Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
