apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
