The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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