Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
