my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
