I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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