I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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