Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
