I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am naked and annoyed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
