I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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