Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize