Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Randomize
