I need help removing her.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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