dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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