I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
