I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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