It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
