I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
