I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I stole a fireplace last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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