Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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