The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
