It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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