just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
