and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
