I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
