I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
