My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
