ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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