I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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