I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
