She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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