last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
