the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
