I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
