what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize