did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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