dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
