the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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