and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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