dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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