Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
