woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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