As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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