My hair reeks of homosexuality.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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