Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
