Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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