found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
