Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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