honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
