my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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