I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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