I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
