There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
