paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
