i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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