Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
