my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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