Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
