i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
