I want to stick my p in your. b.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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