I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
