Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
