Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
