Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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