i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
