Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
