my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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