fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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