I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
this is an emotional support booty call
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
