I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
