Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
